These Things are Shocking (is it only me??)

Be forewarned; I'm about to go on a mini-tirade, but please bear with me, because I think you'll be on board.

I'm going to smack the next person who smirks, "Are you having twins???" at me.
How can women, and ONLY WOMEN have asked me that, be so rude?  Besides pointing out that I'm obviously very pregnant, that comment alludes that not only am I huge, I'm clearly too huge to be "just" pregnant.  I am so big that it begs a public forum.  I must be pregnant with multiples.  Even in pregnancy I can't escape the constant body criticism of our culture.  I can't remember ever saying that to a woman who was pregnant; mostly I remember thinking things like wow, I bet she's uncomfortable or will I get that big? 

It's already borderline inappropriate to be asking pregnant strangers about their pregnancies anyway.  I mean, think about it; if I saw a man walking around with a cane, could I politely inquire as to how much longer he'll be needing that cane?  Or what's wrong with his leg?  Not so much, because strangers asking other strangers about personal issues is generally not considered acceptable small talk.  

I know what you're thinking:  "Just smile, say 'no,' and don't let it bother you."  No f*$(%ing way.  It's invasive.  It's rude.  It's my right to go about my business without strangers commenting on my body.  And while part of me wants to respond with, "Twins?  No, I'm just really really fat,"  I'll refrain, because as we all know two nasty comments just make two assholes instead of one.  But it's not my job to remain completely polite in the face of such inappropriateness.

This relates back to what I spoke about recently, about women judging women.  I am just continually surprised and dismayed, as I traverse these typical feminine roles, of how much other women heap degradation, judgement, and their own baggage on my (very obviously 9-months-pregnant) back.  

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7 thoughts on “These Things are Shocking (is it only me??)

  1. Oh my! No, I never haven't been asked that, TG, and I was huge too… But when my daughter was a 18 months, we went on vacation to Italy (to a place we've been going to for years) and they kept on congratulating me with being pregnant again and that it was wonderful to see that the little girl wouldn't stay alone too long… First I thought it was something that I misunderstood or that they said wrongly (you know, got lost in translation) but when more and more people began to say that, I was gob smacked! Those were all older "la mamas" (women in their 60ies, 70ies) and it was so normal for them to presume you wanted to get pregnant as fast as you could after your first that they didn't realise that I just didn't get my figure back (and probably never will as I went straight into early menopause thanks to my PCOS)I smiled and swallowed their 'congratulations' as I believe they were genuine and well meant, but on the inside I was really hurt.

  2. Wow. I don't know what I would do, especially since it sounds like they were really trying to be nice!! I think when people say that to me there's an underlying negativity, so it's easy to get mad. I wouldn't know what to say to some nice old Italian "la mamas!"

  3. yeah, I know what you mean, there's definitely a difference. But some think they're funny that way and it didn't even occur to them that they're hurting/annoying you as they think it's harmless.I too believe in being "the better person" but it's sooo difficult some times…

  4. "How can women, and ONLY WOMEN have asked me that, be so rude?"
    Men only make this mistake once. When we wake up from the coma and pull our lower lip off of our foreheads…we tend to remember to just tell you how radiant and beautiful you look. πŸ™‚

  5. Laura, I had people ask me that ALL THE TIME with my first pregnancy. And you're right…it was only women who asked. I had one woman (albeit she was a friend's mom so not a stranger) ask if I was SURE I wasn't having twins after I told her no. I think I was about six months pregnant at this time too.Pregnant women become public property for some odd reason. Like you said, complete strangers feel it's not only their right but also their duty to come up to us and give us unsolicited advice and comments. And don't even get me started on the belly rubbing…that's borderline assault. lolI hate to tell you this, but people get more obnoxious, intrusive, and bossy when you have kids. πŸ˜€

  6. I kind of figured…when I was getting married people asked all kinds of personal questions about the wedding, and I noticed that it got worse when I was pregnant (including asking if I was pregnant before I was married – just one person, but can you believe that??). I can only assume I'll get TONS of 'advice' from everyone under the sun about the kids. I even had a couple of people, albeit women in their 70s, ask why I would make a baby girl sweater in such a "dark" color! That one I can laugh off though πŸ˜‰

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